At first I was afraid
I was petrified. Thinking I could never live without you by my side…
And I spent so many nights (and days) thinking how you’ve done me wrong.
But I grew strong, I figured out how to get along…
Osteoarthritis in its natural habitat
And to get along, is to say goodbye to this right hip forever. It’s been a fairly steep decline the last few years, and to claim back my zeal for life, fitness, wellness and sanity, I’m having a total hip replacement tomorrow morning at 8am. It’s a total emotion salad too. I am at peace with my decision and have had multiple orthopedists affirm this choice too. I am ready to not be in pain. More than ready! But I still cannot quiet my anxious thoughts about the severity of the surgery and what recovery will be like.
Peep the new hardware:
Denial prompted me to explore every possible available option before it came to this. I’ve had multiple rounds of injections, mostly steroidal in nature but did an experimental one too which failed. I’ve taken all the supplements, focused on anti-inflammatory diets, stopped Crossfitting and picked up Cycling. Now here at the end, I can’t even cycle anymore which is terribly upsetting.
I’ve lost the ability to lift my leg into the car, put on socks and shoes like a normal human should, I can’t squat down to look my daughter in the eyes, and I cannot sit cross legged on the floor to play with her either. There has been a shocking loss of mobility and stamina and it’s impossible to remember there was a time a few years ago when I was able to do so much. I’ve lost my temper and my tongue too many times at the people I love most dearly because my discomfort sometimes swallows me whole. I’m disappointed it took my this long to make this decision, but I’m proud to be at the doorstep of the next chapter of my life and so ready to actually begin making forward healing progress.
Not to be all gloom and doom though, these last 18 months of exploration and stubbornness of given me a few things too. I’ve learned to trust pain. Like, really trust it. I’ve learned to listen to it to really hear what it has to say, not just react to alarm bells and hope for the best. I have a deep respect for pain and true admiration for how autonomous our bodies really are. I’ve learned to really love more plants and less meat and it’s been surprising to discover new ways of nourishing my body that I’ve previously never really tried. I’ve re-committed to total body wellness techniques that have never failed me, like monthly chiropractic adjustments and I found two incredibly gifted healers whose approach to massage and body work literally saved me and put me back together on several occasions. So, it’s not all for nothing, but every fiber in my body is ready to leave this sick hip at the curb with the Christmas tree and other trash that no longer serves me or anyone else.
If something is no longer serving you too, kick it to the curb and march forward.
So, let’s hip to it, shall we? Hip Hip Hooray! See you on the other side of recovery.