Your First Father’s Day

My better half,

It doesn’t even seem fair to call you a better half. You are more than half, so much more. I want to give you my heart all over again on this Father’s Day- your very first. I wanted to pen this on paper, so that your hands could hold something if ever you wanted to revisit these words one day, but since my own hands aren’t operating at full capacity quite yet, I rely on your eyes to take it all in.

Whenever I’ve considered Father’s Day in years past, it never meant a whole lot to me. I don’t think that’s because my own experience with a Father wasn’t perfect or special, because it was what it was and that was enough I think. But I’ve only ever considered it at face value- from the perspective of a child looking up. That’s what a Father is.

But the last few weeks have given me the chance to understand that a Father is truly so much more than the arrow on a family tree would indicate. It’s not just the vertical line from Elliott to you. I see now, burning bright, the horizontal line connecting you and I. That is the treasure I want to open up and touch on your first Father’s Day.

When it’s quiet, I let my mind walk back through each day we’ve navigated in the first week’s of our new world with Ellie. I can so easily feel and see the dim light of her room, and you and I desperately wanting to get it right those first few hard nights. I see your sleepy face, but watch you move through the motions of soothing her, then me, then her, then me. Despite all of my trips on the emotional tire swing, you stayed so steady. And whether you yourself were feeling unsure inside, you never showed it. I wish you could know how much strength I draw from your spirit.  I hope you feel as strong as you are.

When I see you as a Father, I see you in our kitchen cooking meals for us. How much joy you seem to draw from caring for those you love. I see you not only preparing our food, but then feeding me first, as I nurse our daughter and am unable to join you in the way I used to. You give so much more than I ever thought I would need, and I only hope that you somehow understand the magnitude of how grateful I am for all of your sacrifices. You are amazing in every way, big and small.

What I’ve learned the last few weeks, is that a Father is not just a Dad. But it’s a brand new version of a Husband. I am wholly humbled by you each day as I watch you learn and grow and love the sweet baby we’ve brought here. And I am truly blessed in every way to feel your warmth beside me each night. You have won me over again every day since Elliott was born; I will never be the same.

I love you more than our language allows me to say. Happy Father’s Day to you Rob; this has been your finest hour and I am incredibly proud of you. Thank you.

All of me,

Dani