If my scale had a name, its name would be Lucifer.

So I’ve hit that phase where the number on the scale isn’t plummeting like I feel it should be. In fact, some days, weeks, minutes, it’s goes up, up, up. Somehow, I’ve mastered this amazing technique of being able to literally yo-yo my weight from hour to hour and Rob will faithfully weigh in at 151. Every. Week. He’s like a perfectly balanced metronome. Ugh!!

I’ve been feeling pretty down about it. I mean, here I am, eating my little paleo heart out and giving 110% in WODs every week and how dare the weight not continue to fall off! I have more fat to lose I say! And yet, I’ve been hovering around the same weight (+/-) 2 lbs since before Christmas. Seriously, what the eff.

So I took some advice from a dear friend, Felicia, and decided to put on an outfit that I hadn’t worn in a long time and compare it to a picture in the same outfit from the past in hopes that I could pacify Lucifer. Okay.

Well, I wasn’t really expecting to see what I saw.

It’s so weird to realize we often do not see what is directly in front of us. Despite my best efforts to convince the general public otherwise, I am often a self-doubter. And while I will recognize accomplishment or success, it’s usually only at the urging of others. So, Felicia, I appreciate you recognizing my struggle, and coaching me through that self- doubt and frustration. Crossfit is amazing for countless reasons, but the community effort and support from your friends in the trenches with you is unbelievably helpful and such a necessary component of getting to a place where you can love yourself and praise it for what it has accomplished. I’m not yet where I want to be, but I’m not going to spend my time hating the process of getting there.

Excitedly, I started pulling things out of my closet!

Hate to say goodbye to this dress!!

And then I decided to try on that ONE thing. Every woman has that ONE thing in their closet that they keep hanging up, somewhere in the back, and will take out once a year to “try” and then shove back. My “one” thing, is an amazing ABS by Allen Schwartz black satin cocktail dress.

I’ve never even SHOWN this dress to anyone but Rob.

I bought it 5 years ago from Bluefly. 5YEARS. It still has the tags hanging from it. When I got it, I was 50 pounds heavier than I am now, and it was not even close to fitting. Like, a yardstick separated it from zipping at the top. But it was too beautiful and I was too ashamed to admit my gross failure, so I kept it. I told myself I would someday get there, while secretly acknowledging that I knew that was crazy talk. It was a tiny designer dress and so far out of reach.

Tonight I put it on and Rob helped me clasp it at the top of the zipper. And while I have about an inch left to go before it’s comfortable and truly “wearable”, the dress clasped and I was, for the first time, finally able to “try it on”. Go to hell Lucifer.

So, I am making a promise to not weigh myself for the rest of February. I don’t know WHY this scares me so much. I somehow think that if I don’t “check in” daily on the scale that I will just lose control and the numbers will sky rocket. This is silliness.

Filled with some new found enthusiasm, I skipped into the kitchen to make dinner.

Tonight we were able to grill for the first time in a long time. Luckily, I married a master griller (a master everything, let’s be real) but the dude’s got a knack for open flame and meat. So, we marinated some salmon filets the night before, and we started working on the accompaniments.

I took two sweet potatoes, peeled them up, and Rob helped me convert them into frilly sweet potato noodles with this awesome Spirilizer. It will take you to infinity and beyond!

I decided to make a cream sauce to go on top of the sweet potatoes based on a recipe I saw over the weekend. I didn’t follow that recipe, because I had my own idea of what I wanted to use based on what was already in the kitchen. I had a bag of cherry tomatoes that had been patiently sitting at the back of the fridge for probably 3 weeks. They were on tomato life support.  I have this weird obsession with things “not fulfilling their destiny” and I project it onto inanimate objects like food, or tools, or whatever. And I was sad for like, a week, thinking I was going to have to throw these cherry tomatoes away, and I just kept prolonging that inevitable task and I’m glad I did, because tonight I threw them into a blender with some roasted red bell peppers, garlic, shallots, olive oil and spices and a bit of canned tomato sauce and made a Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato Cream Sauce to serve over the sweet potato noodles. I had some half and half in the fridge and added some splashes until the color pleased me and let it simmer away. Hooray for saving those little tomatoes! They fulfilled their destiny so wonderfully!

Then I made some fresh green beans in a manner I’ve shared before, basically tossing them with garlic, shallots and fat for a few minutes, then reducing them down with broth for about 20 minutes until the broth is all gone and the beans are cooked.

When the salmon came off the grill, it all looked like this.

Not bad for a Monday night!

This ain’t bad either…

My hero of heros!